Woman Of My Dreams…

To the woman of my dreams…………

1:49 am

I sit here quietly
this summer night
and watch the street lights
of Rio gaithersburg
Sitting on a bench
by myself
Collecting my thoughts
Thinking of someone
I never met
Someone I don’t know
Watching two strangers walk by
At this hour??
holding hands
Thinking that could be us
At any moments notice
Tomorrow, next week?
next year?
I’m listening to a saxophone player
echoing tunes
through the garage
He comes here from time to time
But tonight of all nights? Sigh.
As every note plays
My heart opens more
The sound is so beautiful
Not nearly as beautiful as her smile
She says people
always notice her smile
I can see why
I see right through it
I see right through her eyes
I can see the happiness
FULL of life
Her entire face
brightens up
Ive never seen
a woman’s smile
reach through to me
so profoundly
This is part of the attraction
It’s the eyes
it’s the smile
the expressions
the body language
I can read it all
but only from a distance
in my dreams
I can only imagine
what it would be like
in real life.
This is far far different
Her eyes
Oh… the eyes
I could get lost
in her eyes
for hours
In fact
I damn near already have
I seriously don’t know
how this is possible
I don’t know why
I dont have the answers
I wasn’t sure
I could fall this fast
But you smiled, laughed & I blew it
I wish you were here
Or I was there
Or we were together anywhere
My mind says
that I might regret
Losing my heart somehow
to a girl
A girl I don’t know
I May never meet
a girl in my dreams
I say to myself
there is not much I can do
I cannot help thinking of you
Whoever you are
Whoever you may be
she’s a genuine wholehearted person
I can feel it in her words
Passionate about her life
I can’t seem to sleep
I can’t seem to eat.
I don’t even know.
So many questions unanswered
I don’t know
It was heartfelt
It was true.
It leaves me wanting more
I have never been one
to believe in fate
I do not believe in supernatural powers
I’m an atheist lol
I can’t help but wonder
what’s happening?
This. Is. crazy.
These last few years
I have seen immense growth in myself
I’m able to feel emotions
I have never felt up to this point
in my life.
It’s hard to explain
But I’m trying
I have never allowed myself
to be this vulnerable
this open to myself
Thank you Brene Brown
Has she ever allowed herself
to be this vulnerable?
I believe I am
a very honest person
who LOVES deep conversations
genuine connection
living on the surface
is not satisfying to me
I’m swimming in unknown waters
And I like it
However unknown waters
in pitch black is scary
I’m really putting myself out here
to myself
Taking the risk?
Where is the middle point?
I know I sound crazy
I know
But I would rather
put myself out there
& say what I’m truly thinking
& truly feeling
than “be normal”
& not say a damn thing
At least I’m doing something
I can now say
I know what it feels like
to have my breath taken away
for once in my life
To have my heart feel this way
This feels good
This feels right
I can’t remember
the last time
I had a smile
full of this much life
The unknown pains me
But it’s a good kind of pain
I hope
It seems the door
may be opened
cracked one might say
I feel if I was to…..
I could sweep her off her feet
& Never look back
A lifetime of happiness
Watching children grow
Getting old together
Endless love
day in and day out
I’ve always wanted children
I was born out of lust
into unfortunate circumstances
& Ive absolutely refused
to bring a child into this world
by whatever means necessary
very personal
until I know it would be right
Could this be it?
Some would laugh at me
that’s okay
that doesn’t matter
is this crazy?
Im willing to go
at whatever pace feels right
I can wait to build trust
Trust is my middle name
Actually it’s Michael. Lol
I’m glad my name is Kristopher
& not Christopher
K= more unique
I don’t know why
I said that lol
im trippin’
the streets are so quiet
I don’t know exactly
what it is
but it feels right
One thing
is for absolute sure
This woman
is one of a kind
I’ve never come across
anyone quite like her
in my life
She has it all
& she is certainly worth waiting for
Worthy of being desired, pursued
She has brought out
a side of me
I didn’t know existed
& she did it
just by being herself
being compassionate
and the smile! THE LAUGH! THE SMILE!!!
That speaks VOLUMES to me
I hope to show it
I’m amazed
when I look at you
Not just because
of your looks
But because of the fact
that everything
I’ve ever wanted
is right in front of me
I would like to hold
her soft hands
While we walk
around a pond
or a lake
Feeding ducks?
Sit on a park bench
for hours
& just get lost in deep conversation
Hold my hand
ill hold yours
& I’ll go anywhere with you
I know we would have
no trouble keeping
a conversation flowing
just takes time
Wow how the time flies
I’ve been sitting
on this bench
in rio gaithersburg
for almost 4 hours.
The sun is merely minutes from rising
on this summer night
Another night of no sleep
And after all I have written to her
After all I have thought about her
I don’t even know her name
Or if she even exists.

Goodnight the future woman of my dreams.