taking care of my mother for the rest of her life…

anyone that knows my situation knows the deal. Complain and I ignore….its just what I do. My cards are out on the table. I have nothing to hide…. it is what it is. I will be taking care of my mother for the rest of her life…and I feel very proud to be put in a situation to do so. It’s what any great son would do. My mother took care of me for 18 years, she didn’t have to. My biological father left when I was born, my father figure died when I was 14 @ 36….really young. My mom may have had her ups and downs over the years, raised us in an unusual way, but I came out great, and I am forever thankful. She didn’t have to stay…. she sacrificed her life for me. I dont understand why Jen cant understand this. What am I suppose to do? Throw her on the street? My mom has nobody left except me….I shouldnt have to argue with the ONE person in this world that should be supporting my decision from the start. Not argue with me and complain all of the time.

It looks like over the last 2 years slowly she is starting to accept it…but she still hasnt fully accepted it. I carry a burden on my shoulders day in and day out knowing that Jen has not accepted it… just waiting for the complaining to happen again over some small BS… such as your moms doing this, your moms doing that. Who cares… honestly. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Nobody is forcing her to stay. I am directly honest with her… thats what women want right? I dont lie, I dont cheat… I have strong integrity and morals… I feel I am extremely reasonable. However there are a few things in this world I will not tolerate from anybody.(even my mom and Jen)

We have so many good things ahead of us. A nice big house…..starting a family….a strong foundation…. but all of this is in jeapordy due to Jens selfishness. I cant change the cards I was delt. I can only merely play them the best to my abilities. If she thinks I am going to choose a big house, and start a family at the expense of ditching my mother to the street…. oh boy does she have a rude awakening. I will lay Jen flat on her face before that ever happens. Lets get real, Jen is 2nd to my mother, she probably always will be. Jen didnt take care of me for 18 years, and sacrifice her life. I should be 2nd to her parents as well. As much as some say this is a douchebag thing to say… what can I say… im honest. That doesnt mean I dont care for Jen… as she has my heart. Has had it for a very long time. #2 out of everybody I know…that is pretty high, especially to my high standards.

 

DETERMINATION!!!!!!

tonight is one of the worst nights of my life.

tonight is one of the worst nights of my life. i got a dui tonight. I even sat in my car for 2 hours waiting to get sober to drive home. .09. literally 3 hours ago. its a long story but a story that is useless to begin with. i was wrong. i will learn from this day and move forward. i am so disappointed in myself right now. words cannot describe how pissed i am at myself at this very moment in time. i will take all of this negative energy and turn it into something positive. no matter how hard i have to work, no matter how much i need to learn i will do whatever it takes. i will refrain from alcohol for a very long time. i can already feel the determination flowing through my body. i will look back on this post in 10 years and think to myself “this was a truly significant day in my life”