Dear Mama…

Dear mama….

When I was young
me and my mama had beef
Seventeen years old
kicked out on the streets
Though back at the time
I never thought I’d see her face
Ain’t a woman alive
that could take
my mama’s place
Suspended from school
and scared to go home
I was a fool
With the big boys
breakin all the rules
I shed tears
with my baby sister
over the years we was poorer
than the other little kids
And even though
we had different daddies
the same drama
When things went wrong
we’d blame Mama
I reminisce on the stress I caused
it was hell
huggin on my mama
from a jail cell
runnin’ from the police
Mama catch me
put a whoopin to my backside
And even as a crack fiend, Mama
You always was a queen, Mama
I finally understand
For a woman it ain’t easy
tryin’ to raise a man
You always was committed
A poor single mother
on welfare
tell me how you did it?
There’s no way
I can pay you back
but the plan is to
show you that I understand
you are appreciated

Continue reading “Dear Mama…”

Deepest Thoughts

real talk… 

its all about
expanding perception
raising our level of awareness
raising our level of consciousness
changing the way we live and love
love like it’s the only thing you know
at the end of the day
all this means nothing
this page
where you’re sitting
your degree
your job
your house
your car
all the money in the world
none of it matters
except love and human connection
relationships you have with people
who you love
and how deeply you love them
how you touch the lives of people around you
and how much you enriched their lives
family, friends, strangers,
quality of connection
connection is why we’re all here
it’s how we’re wired
it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives

Continue reading “Deepest Thoughts”

A message to me sent from my cousin in 2016

A message sent to me from my cousin in summer 2016~, who had only known me a year of my life. I reached out to that side of the family for the first time in Feb 2015. I felt it was important, valuable enough to save.

 

Sorry for the delay.
I was driving.
You should have seen me trying to read at red lights.
I feel like I had pieced some of that together from things you’ve said.
It’s sad, tragic even, that you didn’t have any role models, lost anyone who even came close.
The miracle is that you became so self-aware that you, at some point, became the man you knew you could count on.
What floors me is that, in spite of becoming your mother’s parent (probably begrudgingly), you’ve been her rock.
You’re like this Phoenix that has risen from this tragic mess you were born into.
You’ve paid such a huge price to become who you are.
You’ve sacrificed your independence, to some degree.
You’ve sacrificed your ability to just trust people, to feel like you can just count on them to be who you need them to be or, at least, who they claim to be.
You’ve learned to cull your inner circle, discarding anyone whose presence doesn’t support your vision of growth and development.
This is a measure of control you can have over your life, so you take it.
Defense mechanism.

Continue reading “A message to me sent from my cousin in 2016”