Dr. Wayne 9-17-2020 Notes – Last Session Before Our Marriage

 

  • Don’t let your surroundings write your story
  • Isabel Wilkerson – Caste
    • Racism is a construct to serve an economic end
  • Money is a form of power and allows you to create options
  • Not letting the current 2020 nightmare scenario obscure your affirmative vision
  • Lin-Manuel Miranda (Hamilton) – Is your narrative going to be reactionary or progressive? Who lives, who dies, who tells your story?
  • Switch paradigm to acceptance and finding meaning instead of struggling to seek acceptance from family of origin
    • Recognize that blood ain’t the same as family
  • What Kris has to take from my dad are suggestions, not commands
  • “If your history is that important to you, maybe what you need to do is hold onto it and let me go”
  • The last thing you want in a marriages are endless skirmishes and strife
  • Marriage is hard the same way being a professional football player is hard
    • The stakes are higher
    • Marriage acts as a crucible to burn away the impurities
    • Set boundaries early
    • Treat your marriage like a presidency
    • 1st 100 days
  • What and how do we serve our affirmative vision for the future
    • How do we practice habits 1-3
      • Be Proactive
      • Begin with the end in mind
      • Put first things first
    • Public Victories
      • Win-win
      • First seek to understand, then be understood
      • Synergy
  • Dr. Wayne’s Tesla story – don’t let the foolishness of a couple people let you underestimate the value of an enterprise
  • You don’t have to let your father’s mistakes define you – Black Panther analogy
  • You don’t need relentless anger to guard your borders and your boundaries. You need faith, courage, and wisdom
  • St. Paul – Faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is love
  • What can you transform that anger into?
    • Passion for the family and connection you create
    • Positivity
    • Empathy and forgiveness
  • Book – Forgive for Good
    • Giving up the grievance story
  • “Woundology” – people who reach into wounds to try to leverage  social power
    • You can leverage power either through your wounds or through your wisdom (through knowledge)
  • Don’t let the family you inherited make you doubt who and what you chose
  • Best not to believe the rhetoric of unreliable narrators
  • As an empath (Ruth), you have to guide your heart in a particular way. You have a lot of power, you have to learn not to take all that in
  • Wisdom is an interplay between the material and the person
  • Replace grievance story with a gratitude and a great gains story
  • Oprah – “True forgiveness is when you can say ‘thank you for that painful experience’.”
  • Unforgiveness prevents you from being present in the moment.
  • Chadwick Boseman’s death
    • Luminaries light the way. It’s not about why did he die so early, but how did he live?
    • Don’t just idolize him, emulate him
  • Imago therapy is a discipline and a lifestyle
  • Yoga analogy – “peace, peace, peace” mantra in the face of inner critic
  • Some gifts you’re gonna have to have in the presence of your critic or your curse
    • Eg. Chadwick Boseman
  • Start a new family to break a generational curse, not from a place of retribution, but from a place of “we can do better than this”
  • Aren’t your goals and dreams worthy of your effort? David Goggins
  • God, help me to get from the day vs. through the day
  • Understand purpose – you’re here because God had a better idea than family
  • You are the Tesla to their Mustang
  • Innovations in engineering, and engineering in family and emotional life
  • Higher, faster, further

Author: Kris

Hi my name is Kris, and I am addicted to personal development, and the word DETERMINATION! :) and BRENÉ BROWN!!! And BRIAN JOHNSON!!! Aaaaaaaand WOOOO!!!! 142.

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