Compromise is defined as: an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions. Settle a dispute by mutual concession. Accepting standards that are lower than is desirable.
Compromise is about MAKING CONCESSIONS.
You do this for me, I do this for you, we both get what we want right?
Compromise NEVER WORKS in the long run.
Compromise is 1+1= 1.5 AT BEST. Somebody eventually loses, if not immediately.
Compromise is a band aid to the real problem at hand.
Compromise is another word for mediocrity. I cringe every time I hear the word mediocrity.
Compromise is a sign you’re on the road to mediocrity…
Compromise isn’t about listening and learning from others, it’s about giving in.
Compromise is cheap, quick, and convenient.
Compromise is about reaching a settlement, whether or not it feels authentic.
Compromise is when both parties plan to cooperate so they both can be satisfied and have their separate needs met.
Compromise is exhausting and depletes us of our health and energy.
Compromise lowers our vibration.
Compromise is all too often about accepting an outcome that has lower standards than we want to countenance.
COMPROMISE IS NOT WIN-WIN. IT IS WIN-LOSE.
Refusal to compromise is widely considered to be the root cause of political polarization, business battles, and relationship disagreements. However, refusal to compromise isn’t actually the cause of these problems. It’s merely a symptom. The real problem is unwillingness & fear to tolerate uncertainty.
So….what if everything you thought you knew about compromise was wrong? I can distinctly remember using the word compromise throughout my life. Why? BECAUSE THATS WHAT EVERYONE AROUND ME DID.
We’ve long been told that “good” people meet in the middle. To “seek to compromise”. F that. I seek SYNERGY.
SYNERGY IS NOT COMPROMISE.
Our collective unwillingness to tolerate uncertainty STIFLES creativity. From what I have read, there are two components of compromise:
-Over-attachment to the literal
-Inability to articulate the conceptual
Over-attachment to the literal blinds people to create creative solutions. The inability to articulate the conceptual keeps people from understanding where the other side is coming from. It prevents them from giving voice to a common purpose.
For example, imagine a couple arguing about whether or not they can afford to send their child to a private college. The wife says, “We should take out a second mortgage or use our retirement funds.” The husband says, “No way, a state school is fine.” They’re both stuck on what they believe to be the best plan. They’re arguing over LITERAL options.
Yet here’s what can happen if one person reframes the conversation from the literal to the conceptual.
Imagine the husband saying, “What I really want is for our child to get a great education, and for us to enjoy our retirement.”
Now the conversation is about IDEALS AND ASPIRATIONS. Instead of arguing about specific yes or no options, the couple is more likely to talk about their hopes and dreams, for their child and for themselves. The conversation feels different BECAUSE IT IS DIFFERENT.
They’ve begun using different neural pathways in their brains. They’re likely feeling more creative. Letting go of their attachment to their fixed plans, at least momentarily, enables them to explore NEW OPTIONS. Articulating voice to their larger more conceptual goals enables them to find a COMMON PURPOSE.
It’s a two-step process – let go of the literal, re-frame around the conceptual. You don’t know where the final solution will come from, and that’s exactly the point. The uncertainty is what scares most people. COMPROMISE IS CERTAINTY.
Traditional compromise shortchanges both sides because it’s based on a literal straight-line model. You give me this; I’ll give you that. I’m on the right side of the line; you’re on the left. We’ll meet in the middle. THIS NEVER WORKS LONG TERM.
It sounds good in theory. But it doesn’t work because it keeps you stuck in the land of the KNOWN. Nothing new is produced, and both sides walk away with less than they desire. Great solutions aren’t found in the middle ground; they’re discovered when people have the courage to pursue higher ground. Great solutions require some level of initial DISCOMFORT!
Instead of a straight line, think of it like a triangle. The lower left and lower right corners represent where you are today. The top, the apex, represents where you want to go. The middle of the triangle, the space between the lines, is fraught with uncertainty. It’s where the messy work of collaboration is done. THIS IS THE DIFFICULTY IN FINDING SYNERGY.
Einstein famously said, “We will not solve the problems of today with the level of thinking that created them.”
Do you think about compromise differently now? I hope so.
We don’t create greatness by compromising in the middle ground. We create greatness by having the guts to wade through the UNKnOWN. The middle ground is safer, but seeking higher ground is worth the effort.
So what is this called?
More specifically, the PARADIGM OF SYNERGY.
Synergy is not the same thing as compromise. REPEAT. SYNERGY IS NOT THE SAME THING AS COMPROMISE.
When properly understood, synergy is the highest activity in all life
synergy is the result created by open communication and positive interaction between others.
Synergy is defined as: the interaction or cooperation of two or more organizations, substances, or other agents to produce a combined effect greater than the sum of their separate effects. Keyword: GREATER.
What is synergy? Simply defined, it means that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. It means that the relationship which the parts have to each other is a part in and of itself. It is not only a part, but the most catalytic, the most empowering, the most unifying, and the most exciting part. The creative process is also the most TERRIFYING part because you don’t know exactly what’s going to happen or where it is going to lead. You don’t know what new dangers and challenges you’ll find. It takes an enormous amount of internal security to begin with the spirit of adventure, the spirit of discovery, the spirit of creativity. Without doubt, you have to LEAVE the comfort zone of base camp and confront an entirely NEW and UNKNOWN wilderness. You become a trailblazer, a pathfinder. You open new possibilities, new territories, new continents, so that others can follow.
Synergy is empathetic communication on the toughest challenges we face in life.
Synergy is creating new alternatives — something that wasn’t there before.
The very way that man and a woman bring a child into the world is synergistic. The essence of synergy is to value differences – to respect them, to build on strengths, to compensate for weaknesses.
Synergy is everywhere in nature. If you plant two plants close together, the roots commingle and improve the quality of the soil so that both plants will grow better than if they were separated. If you put two pieces of wood together, they will hold much more than the total of the weight held by each separately. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. 1+1= 3 or MORE. THIS IS SYNERGY.
As stated earlier, in a compromise, 1+1= 1.5 at best. Everybody eventually loses something. Synergy is not just resolving a conflict. When we get to synergy, we TRANSCEND the conflict. We go BEYOND it to something new, something that excites everyone with fresh promise and transforms the future. Synergy is better than my or your way. IT’S OUR WAY. It’s WE not I, It’s WE not MY.
Reaching synergy with other people is a profoundly valuable, a major achievement in life. The ability to walk in one another’s shoes and create solutions by working together.