kris notes 3-23-18
I seriously think I am in love with Brene Brown. I cannot stop watching her videos! Her TED talks. I think this is the 5th~ one, and ive seen them like 5 times each. I have spent hours upon hours studying vulnerability. I get this overwhelming sensation that overtakes me every time I watch her presentations. ITS SO VALUABLE!!! I am in awe. You know that face when your jaw drops, mouth opens and your breath is taken away? Yeah that happened to me about 10 times in the 15 minutes watching this. In fact, ill go a step further.
Here is a picture of the face I am talking about.
Ok seriously, I am a millennial and I cannot seem to figure out how to rotate this picture, but I think it kinda works out because you have to tilt your head to the left to REALLY get the impact of the picture. While you’re at it, take the journey with me. Lets go into “awe” together,lets get vulnerable together because I am about to blow your mind with my notes. P.s Microsoft word doesn’t allow the SPECIAL “e” inBrenéto save in the file title… whats up w/ TH@T son?!?!?!?!?!? No Bueno!!
IT BEGINS…… (I promise im not drunk for this one).
Wait. It is ritual that I do 20 pushups before I get the mind of the notes flowin’. Gotta be in the zone! 3…..2…..1…..GO!
Brene has spent the last 10 years as a vulnerability researcher. That is such a COOL official title to have. I want to be cool like Brene, with the special E.
KRIŠ OHHH yeah with that special ŠŠŠŠ(Šlytherin- that harry potter reference).
Fatalistic response is not universal, but it is a symptom of an issue that is both universal and profoundly dangerous, and that is we are losing our tolerance for vulnerability. In our culture, vulnerability is often looked upon as weakness. (I knew this one before she said it!,its almost as if she trained me!- rick flair WOO!) Vulnerability is NOT weakness!!!
Vulnerability Is absolutely at the core of FEAR, ANXIETY, SHAME, and DIFFICULT EMOTIONS that we all experience. Vulnerability is also the birthplace of JOY, LOVE, BELONGING, CREATIVITY. It becomes very problematic as a culture when we lose our capacity to be vulnerable.
Losing our tolerance for vulnerability-
-Joy becomes foreboding- we become compelled to beat vulnerability to the punch
-Disappointment as a lifestyle- it is much easier to live disappointed, than feel disappointed. This is the person- “I don’t want to play your stupid game because its dumb and boring”- but what they are feeling is “maybe nobody will ask me…”
-low grade disconnection- it may not kill us but it may keep us pretty miserable.
-perfection- the 200lb shield- how can anything go wrong if my life looks like an ad? “I am going to perform & please and make sure everything looks perfect”. Perfectionism has nothing to do with striving for excellence. Has nothing to do with healthy striving for excellence. Perfection is a tool used to protect ourselves.
We numb- this is the most universal way we deal with vulnerability.
We sidestep getting excited about something because were not sure its actually going to happen
What is driving our intolerance of vulnerability? The answer is SCARCITY.
We live in a culture that tells us… we are…..
Never __________ enough
Extraordinary- the most dangerous one?
In this world, somehow… a ordinary life has become synonymous with a meaningless life. So often we are missing what is truly important because we are on the quest for what is extraordinary. Not understanding in our ordinary lives, and the ordinary moments of our lives, is really where we can find the most joy
We numb vulnerability- Evidence of the numbing- we are the most addicted, medicated, obese, in debt adult cohort in human history. We are numbing. This doesn’t even including ‘busyness’. We keep ourselves so busy that the truth of our lives cannot keep up. WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW.
The consequences of numbing vulnerability- You cannot selectively numb emotion. When we numb the dark emotion, we numb the good emotion. When we numb vulnerability, fear, shame, we by default numb JOY, LOVE, BELONGING.
Research shows us in addiction studies: An intensely positive experience is just as likely to trigger relapse as a intensely negative experience. If vulnerability was a sharp edge, there may be nothing sharper than joy. To let yourself soften into loving someone, to caring about something passionately, that’s vulnerable.
How do we embrace vulnerability?
-We practice gratitude- We stop and be thankful for what we have. We need to be grateful. To honor what is ordinary about our lives, because that is what is extraordinary.
We want more guarantees, we want more certainty, that bad things are not going to happen, but there is a guarantee that nobody talks about, and that is if we don’t allow ourselves to experience joy and love, we will definitely miss out on filling our reservoir with what we need when those hard moments in life happen.
I wish we can do this together. Because in vulnerability we will find what gives us meaning and purpose in our lives.