Turning Wounds Into Wisdom – 8/20/20 Session

8-20-20 Session – Turning Wounds into Wisdom

  • “Some of the most painful chapters of my life were because I accommodated someone I should have refused and capitulated to someone I should have corrected and dismissed. Don’t get lost in regret. Simply change your policy and move forward.” – Dr. Wayne
  • When you act in alignment with your principles, miracles happen
  • Stillness is the Key – book
    • Not in the sense of inactivity
    • You have to let your mind settle from all the forces vying for your attention
  • You want to be clear about whose priorities you’re serving

Life is hard… to find the joy you have to “settle” so you can see it

Financial Wisdom

  • Save the equivalent of a mortgage payment for 2 years, then you’ll have a  fully funded emergency fund
    • Dave Ramsey, David Bach, Kiyosaki, Michelle Singletary – teachings based on Biblical principles
  • “Million dollar day” – act in alignment with that
  • Say what you’ve heard so you can see what you said
  • Financial infidelity can have a greater impact than physical infidelity

Healing Wounds

  • Mistakes will be made, but what is your repair process?
  • Be willing to pay the pain price to build that muscle
    • “Pain price” – discomfort, failure
  • Sometimes the best thing you can do for your family members is to give them the gift of struggle
  • Some people don’t change because we’re always available
    •  “Why are people always calling me” – People call what works
  • Maybe it’s time for me to be available for reciprocity than calamity
  • “Your vibe attracts your tribe”
  • Mr. Miyagi – best defense – don’t be there
  • You won’t pay your dues with my checkbook
  • What is it I’m prepared to do to protect my future from the poison of my past?
  • Don’t let a curse you inherited exempt you from a blessing you chose
  • Eleanor Roosevelt – “Women are like teabags. If you want to see what a woman is made of, put them in hot water”
  • I’ve got more things to do with my life than be your teachable moment
  • It pays to know how to purchase knowledge. (Lin Manuel Miranda, Stevie Wonder, PTSD books)
  • If your mind is muddled by some dysfunction that you think you have to accommodate, you will miss your million dollar day
  • How about I work my own emotional math to map my way to my future as opposed to using something I inherited
    • There are people who need you to remain who you used to be
  • Feed your seeds not your weeds
  • If it takes 51 calls for you to pick up, that’s what you’re teaching the person it takes to reach you
  • “When Violence is the Answer” – book by Tim Larkin
    • Decisive violence – teaches people how to get to vulnerable areas in self-defense
    • Escape, neutralize, or finish
  • Story of David and Bathsheba – Bathsheba didn’t say no, but David misused his power
    • Joseph, on the other hand, did not misuse his position when dealing with Potiphar’s wife, and his family who had betrayed him
  • What do you do when your life is full of people who misuse their position
    • Stop accommodating their agenda with the days of your life and the money in your pocket
    • You’re enabling them
  • Do not allow yourself to be captured by the emotional plantation of family members
    • Don’t spend your life serving purposes that you did not choose
  • I reserve the right to opt out when it serves my purpose and my priorities
  • Acknowledge that your family is a toxic asset, then put them in a different portfolio
    • Most of my money, time etc goes in a portfolio that is toxic asset free
  • When COVID hit, we found out who was essential.
  • Who are the essential workers in my life and how can I pour into them?
  • When dark days come, they do not need an instruction manual or an invitation
  • Otherwise, “You have made yourself irrelevant”
  • Where attention goes, energy flows. Shift your focus
  • Buffy the Vampire slayer – only one slayer per generation. Buffy survived because she has her crew. All her crew became slayers because Willow changed the story
  • Make sure you elect the right people in your life. Make sure your vote ain’t suppressed
  • What does it take to build a dynasty? Multiple winning seasons


  1. Doing things that scare you make you happier.
  2. The happier we are the less sleep we need.
  3. Women with male best friends have better moods.
  4. Men with female best friends have a better overall emotional intelligence
  5. Our brain becomes more creative when we are tired.
  6. You can’t multitask.
  7. Bite sized information are the best.
  8. Our mind wanders 30% of the time.
  9. Getting someone to do a favour makes them like you more.
  10. 1 (person) in 12 people has sex in their sleep.
  11. Cursing helps reduce pain.
  12. Unhappy people watch more TV.

Dr. Wayne Notes 7-30-2020 Session

Notes 7-30-2020
  • Continuing theme of healing & restoration (particularly relevant since I started taking an SSRI)
  • Remember the emotional triad
    • Physiology easiest to change – disciplines and habits
    • Recruiting your body in the regulation and cultivation of your mind
    • Hold onto intention that restoration is the goal
      • Mustang analogy – when the car is delivered, it needs to look same as when it left Detroit
    • Go back to original intention
    • Re-read Imago family mission statement
    • Cut away and defund everything that is not the vision by creating infrastructure to ensure that your resources are unavailable
  • There are opportunities available, even during the pandemic
  • Find something that feeds the mission, not just the appetite
    • Ie. difference between having sex vs. making love
  • At some point you go from spiritual vision to emotional engineering
  • My emotional, spiritual, and financial priorities are this man/woman sitting next to me
  • Have to have a radical shift in physiology
  • Restoration should be a radical practice vs. a tool you use sometimes
  • People need you for their own emotional regulation, so they’d rather outsource it to you than do the work themselves
  • You want to get rid of people who bring unnecessary drama and strife into your life
  • Proximity gives you access, access gives you impact
    • Who are the kind of people I’m giving access to? Who gives access to me?
    • Who is your mastermind team – “board of directors” – childhood friends, college friends, luminaries
  • Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks, so you realize their intention (those who would rather see you die than rise)
  • 50 Cent’s pain activated his creativity
  • The reason he is so successful is that he tells himself he needs to change and commits to the process of transformation
  • Keep your affirmative vision in front of you, so the rear view doesn’t take over
  • Act in alignment with your vision board
    • If it’s not on there, why are you giving it time or energy
  • Be willing to demote people
  • I’m going to replace you with someone who can do better for a lower cost
  • Opportunities have expiration dates – you want to capitalize on the opportunity of a lifetime within the lifetime of the opportunity
  • When you think you’re at you’re limit, you’re only at 40%
  • Marshall those habits so they become disciplines
  • Differentiate between opiates and ways of life
  • Repetition is the mother of skill before it’s conditioned
  • Ensure that your vision is pursued and your momentum is maintained
  • Your momentum can be shifted by shifting your focus
  • Opportunity costs – anywhere you’re spending money, there’s somewhere else it could have gone
  • Don’t do what’s emotionally satisfying, do what is strategically significant
  • When people provoke you, pivot with the practice of principles
  • Where attention goes, energy flows
  • To outgrow your history, you’ve got to feed your seeds and not your weeds
  • You’ve gotta be so committed to your outcome that you can’t be coopted by someone else’s drama
  • Vampires cannot prey upon us without our invitation (Buffy the Vampire Slayer analogy)
  • How do I participate in my own restoration/how do I practice that I may be restored?
  • What would it be like if your life was the practice of the discipline of the Sabbath?
  • What are the mentalities we need to have to rise above our circumstance?
  • You need to stop submitting to the tyranny of yesterday
  • Storm/Black Panther analogy – it took a voice she loves and trusts to break out of claustrophobia
  • What it looks like when love overcomes fear

Notes from Session with Dr. Wayne 7-9-2020: Let Your Gift Make Room for You

  • Don’t let anybody cause you to come from outside yourself
  • Pivot with principles, don’t react with emotion
  • Remember Habit 4: Think Win-Win
  • Protect and preserve what you found.
  • Trust your own heart, not what you inherited
  • Protect and preserve those who love, nourish, and edify me the most
  • Let go of all unnecessary stress that does not serve you
  • Maybe the old rules don’t apply anymore. Recognize who and what remain the priority
  • If I don’t move poverty out of the way, there’s no room for growth
  • People may say, “Don’t forget where you came from”… I say “Don’t forget where you’re going”
  • If you want to be successful, learn how to accommodate change and do it faster
  • Be so busy chasing tomorrow you ain’t got time to respond to yesterday
  • People may know the facts of your life, but not the story of your life [Dr. Wayne’s personal experiences with friends]
  • Past stories – boring, incriminating, or sad
  • People return to who you were then because they’re not comfortable with who you are now
  • I can love you above the offense, but I lower your priority on my list
  • Act in alignment with your vision board
  • Delete the nonessentials
  • I am so busy pursuing that which feeds me that I don’t have time for that which drains me
  • [Song Reference] – Barry White I Got So Much to Give
  • What can facilitate healing – a change in nutrition or diet [both literally and metaphorically]
  • How do I recover from a lifetime of injury? By nourishing myself differently
  • Lead, love, and live from something other than your wound – from your wisdom
  • The power of humor is the equivalent of a plant based diet
  • When everyone insists that you play checkers, play chess to win the day
  • You know you’re doing something when you get paid and rewarded for being yourself
  • Hold on to your gift and let go of your curse
  • Your gift will make room for you to be who you actually are and bring you before great people. To be who God ordained you to be. In this case, Kris and I are each others’ gift
  • Not just so you can resolve, but so can be restored and then promoted
  • Yesterday can’t talk to tomorrow. A cassette player can’t tell my phone how to play music
  • Don’t let your past block a better idea
  • You represent a psychological, emotional, and spiritual innovation
  • Deal with people from the center and not the margins
  • References in popular culture:
  • Hamilton – a manual on how to make your vision a reality
  • What will happen when your family of origin leaves the stage
  • Examples: Michael Jackson, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Prince
  • Focus on what you need to do to nourish yourself
  • You can spend your time complaining about a bad meal, or you can enjoy a good one
  • Whatever your Hamilton is, put that on your vision board and work toward that with all deliberate speed
  • I don’t have the bandwidth for the blight or the burden or the BS
  • Remember that God does not respond uniformly to my calamity, sometimes he waits to see how I will respond
  • RRP – Recovery, Restoration, Promotion

Black Lives Matter

In the simplest terms:

400 years ago white people brought black people over here and enslaved them. And sold them. And treated them as less than human. For 250 years. While white men built the country and created its laws and its systems of government. While 10, 15 generations of white families got to grow and flourish and make choices that could make their lives better.

And then 150 years ago white people “freed” black people from slavery. But then angry white people created laws that made it impossible for them to vote. Or to own land. Or to have the same rights as white people. And even erected monuments glorifying people who actively had fought to keep them enslaved. All while another 5, 10 generations of white families got to grow and accumulate wealth and gain land and get an education.

And then 60 years ago we made it “legal” for black people to vote, and to be “free” from discrimination. But angry white people still fought to keep schools segregated. And closed off neighborhoods to white people only. And made it harder for black people to get bank loans, or get quality education or health care, or to (gasp) marry a white person. All while another 2-3 generations of white families got to grow and pass their wealth down to their children and their children’s children.

And then we entered an age where we had the technology to make PUBLIC the things that were already happening in private– the beatings, the stop and frisk laws, the unequal distribution of justice, the police brutality (police began in America as slave patrols designed to catch runaway slaves). And only now, after 400+ years and 20+ generations of a white head start, are we STARTING to truly have a dialog about what it means to be black.

White privilege doesn’t mean you haven’t suffered or fought or worked hard. It doesn’t mean white people are responsible for the sins of our ancestors. It doesn’t mean you can’t be proud of who you are. But it DOES mean that we need to acknowledge that the system our ancestors created is built FOR white people. It DOES mean that we aren’t disadvantaged because of the color of our skin and it DOES mean that we owe it to our neighbors– of all colors– to acknowledge that and work to make our world more equitable.🖤